SEC Power Rankings: U-G-L-Y, You Ain’t Got No Alibi…

Hey yo, people, it’s time for the SEC Power Rankings again, and there’s a lot of ugly in this installment, including some ugly language from a certain Kentucky football coach. Just the fact I cite Bl–cher Rep-rt makes this entry PG-13. And know this: Florida is nowhere close to a “10.”

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Team (Pvs): Comment

1. Georgia (2): I like what the Bulldogs have done this season, but they don’t really feel like the best team in the league, right? Oh, and UGA is fifth in the BCS rankings. Who exactly invited these guys to the party?

2. Texas A&M (6): The Johnny Manziel Heisman campaign is in full swing after his huge game against formerly No. 1 Alabama last week. Of course, not everyone is buying it, but come on man, you can’t let facts get in the way of hype.

3. Alabama (1): Bama plays Western Carolina this week, and I learned from Andrew Gribble that the Catamounts were almost nicknamed the Mountain Boomers. That has to be the greatest nickname that never was.

4. LSU (4): So it’s been 40 years since Bert Jones beat Ole Miss on a last-second TD pass. Jones actually threw two passes in four seconds, and I believe the LSU clock operator’s explanation went like this.

5. Florida (3): The Gators aren’t looking near as hot now that we’ve gotten a really good look at ‘em.

6. South Carolina (5): The Gamecocks host mighty Wofford this weekend. … No, really. Nickname: Terriers. We had a rat terrier once when I was a kid. Dumbest animal I’ve ever known. Also the only gay dog I’ve ever known, as everyone on bus No. 40 in Ruston, La., found out one unfortunate day. (Thank goodness no one had camera phones back then.)

7. Mississippi State (7): I couldn’t think of anything witty for MSU, so I’ll just link this. You’re welcome.

8. Vanderbilt (9): James Franklin, just totin’ around mascots.

9. Ole Miss (8): Rebel fans, just totin’ around a worn-out bag misery.

10. Arkansas (11): Hey, how about Mike Gundy to Arkansas? Or Jon Gruden? He’s a popular choice for all job openings. Or maybe Frank Caliendo as Gruden. Take what you can get, Arkansas.

11. Tennessee (10): No, wait, Gruden to Tennessee, right? Well, Bleacher Report sure seems to think so. MUST BE TRUE.

12. Missouri (12): Dorial Green-Beckham got busted with pot, winds up pleading guilty to trespassing. I have no clue if this is common practice, but it’s the first time I’ve heard of such a plea deal. I’m sure the fact that Green-Beckham is a super-talented SEC football player had absolutely NOTHING to do with it.

13. Auburn (13): HUNDREDS of supportive emails Gene Chizik has received, according to Gene Chizik. Boy, does he have a large family.

14. Kentucky (14): Well, at least Joker Phillips won something at Kentucky: Quote of the Year.

I am the online content coordinator for DJournal.com. Previously at the Journal, I covered Mississippi State athletics (2008-13), high schools (2004-08), and was on the copy desk (2002-04). I'm working on a recipe for bacon-flavored coffee, which would solve all the world's problems.

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