After taking last week off to consume much turkey and Egg Bowl-ness, the SEC Power Rankings make their return. It’s the final set of rankings for the regular season; I might do one more after the bowls, but maybe not. We’ll see.
Not a lot of shakeup. Still have Georgia No. 1, still have Bama behind Texas A&M. Sure, Bama probably will win Saturday, but until it does so, I’m sticking with the current order. There has, however, been a lot of coaching shakeup since my last set of rankings, so I might have a little fun with that today, possibly, maybe.
Teams (Pvs): Comment
2. Texas A&M (2): They finally let Johnny Manziel speak to the media on Monday, and he talked for a good hour. Most impressive thing about Johnny Football: His grandfather was apparently the 1983 world cockfighting champ.
3. Alabama (3): The infamous Alabama teabagger received a two-year prison sentence, which I guess means he won’t be able to watch the SEC championship game on Saturday. Instead, he’ll likely be experiencing what his victim experienced. Only he’ll be conscious. And, sorry, no lemon.
4. Florida (5): Well then, Nick Saban is not happy with the way Florida has earned a BCS bowl berth. He could’ve just said, hey, I’m happy for my protégé, Will Muschamp. But no, instead he complains about something that has no effect on him, and in fact is a circumstance very similar to one that benefited his team last year. Alabama didn’t even make the SEC title game, yet played for (and won) the BCS title. Saban does not remember this, however, because he’s too busy loathing the existence of other humans.
5. LSU (4): So, Les Miles used Arkansas to get a bigger, better contract at LSU. At least, that’s the popular narrative, because we’re all a bunch of hopeless cynics with class envy.
6. South Carolina (6): After the Gamecocks beat rival Clemson last week, coach Steve Spurrier said, “When we play Clemson, they don’t seem to play very well.” Spurrier press conferences must be loads of fun to cover. Would be even more fun if he toted a six-pack of canned Coors Light up to the lectern and started tossing them to the reporters. After opening one for himself, he leans forward and says, “OK fellas, Clemson sucks. Drink up and fire away.”
7. Vanderbilt (8): The Commodores have won six in a row, and four of those wins came by an average of 34.8 points. That is the least Vanderbilt thing ever. Which raises the question, what’s the most Vanderbilt thing ever? Probably this (the fact that it’s really Duke students pegs out the irony meter).
8. Ole Miss (9): The Rebels earned bowl eligibility via a dominant Egg Bowl win over MSU. Admit it, the bit on the video board with Dan Mullen and the Price Is Right fail horn was pretty funny.
9. Mississippi State (7): There is a chance, however slim, that MSU winds up in the BBVA Compass Bowl, which is played at Legion Field in Birmingham. Lovely neighborhood.
10. Arkansas (10): Offensive coordinator Paul Petrino is a finalist for the Idaho job. Hey, that’d be a really crappy movie, I bet: “The Idaho Job.” Instead of Mark Wahlberg in the lead role, it’d probably be, I dunno, Ray McKinnon.
11. Tennessee (11): An annoying mash-up word has emerged during the Tennessee coaching search: Grumors. Probably perpetrated by the same imbecilic illiterates that keep adding -gate to every scandal.
12. Missouri (12): Mizzou’s first year in the SEC didn’t go so well, and it ended with Texas A&M and Manziel doing unspeakable things to the Tigers’ defense.
13. Auburn (13): So long, Gene Chizik.
14. Kentucky (14): Kentucky hired one of the Stoops brothers – Mark Stoops, the one who hasn’t been a head coach yet. A.k.a., the Stoops brother who’s going bald.